Mustard on the Hedge

Not even the mighty Firecrotch can shake off the lesbian “U-hauling” stereotype!

According to HeatWorld, Samantha Ronson told a crowd at her DJ gig in LA last night that “By the end of this year, my love will be Mrs Ronson”. Oooh! In a moment of unmeasurable cheesiness the resident Dj then dedicated the Beatles “All my loving” to Sam and LiLo. Apparently in his opinion the couple are “the most in-love Hollywood couple” he’s ever seen.

I suppose looking at the relationship trainwrecks of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, Uma Thurman and Ethan Hawke, then Samantha and Lindsay are the veritable epitome of love! So are wedding bells ringing? Lohan posted on her blog today that she has “some things to say” and these “things” will be coming soon. Ooh. The suspense. Que Alfred Hitcock Psycho music!

Perhaps lesbianism becomes Lindsay? Her relationship history is like a who’s who of boy toys. Aaron Carter, Wilmer Valderama, Calum Best and so on. So could it be that Samantha is the one or is this just a ploy by Samantha Ronson to get people to book her for gigs in the hope she reveals more badly kept secrets?

There have been lots of rumours flying around the wires in the past couple of months so it’s hard to sniff our what real from what’s poo. Lately there have been reports in the News of the World that Lindsay wants a baby. The same paper reported that the couple plan to announce their love later this year. Lindsay has been wearing a $22,000 commitment ring that Ronson bought her. Clearly DJing at random events and being previously unheard of pays more than one would think.

Linsday with her Bling

I remain unconvinced. It seems bizarre that a couple that aren’t even officially out as a couple are planning a wedding…not to mention a baby! I mean surely they should take the “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a carriage” rhyme and re-mix it (surely as a DJ Samantha can handle this) to be “first comes love, then comes having a relationship outside of the closet, then comes dating for a while, then comes living together, then comes marriage, then comes the Sperminator” ??? No ?? Ok my version isn’t as snappy but surely it makes more sense.

This thought came to me today….Lohan has been through a lot in the past couple of years so I wonder is Samantha Ronson some sort of “lesbian patch”. Has she traded in drinks and drugs for a Ronson addiction? There were reports months ago that in leaked emails Lohan said “Babe, if I don’t have you in my life then I should just go die. I want to marry you.” Drama-much?

Anyway I’m sure this is just a tiny saga in the Firecrotch epic….I’m still hoping she is a lesbian and also that she relocates to Ireland!