Mustard on the Hedge

Last night we all gathered on the sofa to watch ‘Raw’, the new RTE drama, poised and eagerly awaiting the ‘lesbian’ scene. Was it worth the wait? Judging by the bitter smell of disappointment in the air (mmm…I hope that’s disappointment…) the answer would be no.

The editors have snared viewers by giving two or three ’shock scenes’ per episode…and that was what this was…an irrelevant scene plopped in the middle of an episode, sandwiched between a man drinking a shot glass of sperm and a gay Czech man displaying his ‘mini-me’. Let me recap it for you:

JoJo (Charlene McKenna), commis chef at the restaurant ‘Raw’ was having a rough day. Things only got worse when there was a mix-up with the meat order and JoJo was instructed to use her womanly wiles to percure a slab of beef. Enter the lesbian meat supplier, Katherine (Olga Wehrly)…ah witty irony.

Unfortunately Katherine ain’t got no beef (surprise surprise) but she does ask JoJo out for a drink. JoJo’s accepts her offer when her day falls apart…she’s ignored by the guy she loves. So where do they meet…Panti Bar. What?

The last time I was in Panti Bar there were five sets of breasts in the building, including those of my friend and I. It’s run by Ireland’s most famous drag queen, Panti, and is a fave spot for gay guys over 25. Not exactly a lesbian hot spot by any stretch of the imagination!

This scene was educational though. JoJo was barely sitting on the bar stool when Katherine starts preening her hair and applying make-up. So that’s where I was going wrong. Nobody told me that the lesbian art of seduction on the first date began with blusher!?

Clearly JoJo realised that it was first step blusher…second step U-haul and said to Katherine:

“You’re not going all lezzer on me are you?”

Katherine replies…”Sweetie, I am all lezzer”.

Mmm….What Irish lesbians say ’sweetie’? The show’s writers must be confusing Olga Wehrly’s dialogue

Olga Wehrly

with that of Carson Kressley from Queer Eye…

Carson Kressley

You can understand where they’d have difficulty. Perhaps they should tune in to the L Word on Channel 6!

Anyway JoJo gets in a fight with two straight homophobic girls in the bar and gets herself thrown out by a Panti doused in glitter. On the way home Katherine makes her move on JoJo and then…hallelujah…we get a tame kiss which lasts a matter of seconds and off went the lesbian meat supplier into the night! Well I suppose Rome wasn’t built in a day…today a tame three second kiss…tomorrow the Irish version of the L Word!