Mustard on the Hedge

With all that’s happened recently there’s been a break in flagging the Golden Thong (person to get a virtual high five) and Silver Mullet (person to get a kick in the ass) of the week. So let’s get back on track.

This week’s Golden Thong goes to English lesbian soldier, Kerry Fletcher.

Kerry Fletcher

Fletcher endured sexual harassment by a male sergeant, brought her case to the employment tribunal last year and won, receiving £400,000 compensation. However she was forced to resign last February after winning the case, despite having served in the Army’s Royal Artillery for 10 years. Last Wednesday she received an apology from the British Ministry for Defence.

Monica Carss-Frisk QC, representing the Ministry, said: “Can I just make it clear I do, on behalf of the MoD, offer an apology for the conduct that led to your findings.”

Heart felt I’m sure. Well done Kerry for kicking some ass.

Silver Thong goes to Miriam Margolyes, the English lesbian actress better known as ‘Professor Sprout’ from ‘Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets’.

Miriam Margolyes (image from PA via telgraph.co.uk)

As an out lesbian in the public eye you would expect Margolyes to be supportive of the gay community and encourage those struggling with their sexuality to be true to themselves, as she was, and come out. Nope. What does good ol’ Mir do? What were the pearls of wisdom she delivered to all those cowering in the closet?

The 67 year old told BBC Radio 4’s ‘Desert Island Discs’ programme that she deeply regretted telling her mother she was a lesbian as the pain of hearing this news caused her Mum to have a stroke just three days after hearing the news. Hmm Miriam…have you heard of unfortunate coincidences?

So what does Miriam say to those hiding their sexual identity? Answer…Well done…you should “keep such things to yourself”…and people say there is a shortage of role models!?!

Clearly Miriam was not told that those older than us are supposed to be wiser. (However clearly there was no truth in the phrase “with age comes beauty” for Margolyes either)

I’m sure readers of this blog are expecting me to declare Britney my Golden Thong of the week since she wiped the floor with all the haters at the MTV Video Music Awards. Well I was going to and then said no….I must put my Britney-loving aside for this week. That said…how hot did she look!?!?

Britney pleased with her Awards

Ok captivated by Britneys…sequins….she has to be this weeks Golden Thong. I can’t think of anyone that compares but again I’m blinded by her…sequins!

Silver Mullet of the week goes to Lily Allen:

So why is Lily being slapped with the Mullet? The English singer seems to be going through a bit of a phase at the moment and attracting a lot of negative press. She’s punched a random girl on the street and has all but blamed Katy Perry for Capitol Records stalling on releasing her new album. Apparently Lily is a bit peeved that Katy Perry has replaced her as Capitol Records ‘golden girl’. So good ol’ Lily obviously sat down and thought…”how can I get some good press and get back in the good books? I know…I’ll tell Elton John to f*^k off“!!! WTF? BUT that’s not why she gets the Mullet….this is why-

Are they trying to communicate?

What is with those nipples? I’ve decided that Lily is using her breasts to get attention…a tactic never tried before by a woman. She was critisised in the press recently when her boob popped out in public-people said it was a publicity stunt. Lily clearly has decided that while her album is gathering dust she can dazzle us all with her nipples! Seriously it looks as if she’s got a gerbil down her top!?!

Oh what a week it’s been. Has any woman in history dominated the headlines as much as Sarah Palin has this week? I don’t think so!

Any who Palin is most definitely this week’s Silver Mullet:

The Alaskan Govenor sure has brought some ‘flava’ to the presidential campaign. Since Palin was announced as the Republican Vice Presidential candidate the media (and no doubt the Democrats) have been shaking her bearskin pouch and in the space of a few days a whole mess of crap has fallen out! So far we’ve had sex scandals, “trooper-gate” teenage pregnancy, rednecks and brow beaten librarians!

Palin should get an award for giving the campaign a jolt of National Enquirer goodness. She should be a feminist icon- a strong, confident woman capable of crunching the nuts of the “good ol’ boys”. So why does she get the weekly Mullet? Mmm…

Sarah Palin

The poster child for pro-lifers everywhere, Palin vetoed a bill in Alaska that would have blocked gay and lesbian individuals from health and other benefits provided to state workers domestic partners. She also supported a 1998 initiative to ban same sex marriage in the State and stated on her site “Palin for Govenor” (which has been hijacked by John McCain so you can’t see these juicy bits) that she believes the only marriage should be between a man and a woman.

It’s clear McCain picked Palin to snag the “woman vote” but I’m wondering if American lesbians will be supporting Palin at the ballot?

This week’s Golden Thong is Rachel Rice, winner of the UK’s Big Brother 9 series. Rachel spent 13 weeks in the Big Brother house being regularly berated by her fellow housemates who called her boring and critisised her for “sitting on the fence” and never having an opinion. One housemate famously said he would trade Rachel for scrabble she was that boring. Rachel blocked out the jibes and last night won £100,000 for her troubles.

Upon winning Rachel said: “I’ve learnt to be true to who you are. People can try and tell you you’re fake and try and break you down….I know who I am, it’s fine.”

Go Rachel…I was a firm supporter of her all the way through the season. Why? Check out why she was my favourite!

I just realised that this week there is nobody that merits receiving a pat on the virtual back via a Golden Thong award…this could be due to my current slightly grumpy mood! So this week there are two Silver Mullet Awards.

1. Madonna

I wish someone would take her aside and explain to her that this…

…is not sexy! The 50 year old kicked off her “Sticky and Sweet” tour in Cardiff last Saturday. At her age I think she should be reaching for her pension as opposed to spandex. I’m not surprised she’s sticky at her age!!!

2. Paris Hilton

Anyone who knows me knows that I reside firmly in the pro-Britney camp. I even thought she was hot when you could see the veins popping on her bald head! If you remember around that time the pair were thick as thieves, partying in Vegas, shopping and all sorts.

Then Britney did her G.I Jane impression and had a meltdown…where did Paris go??? Did she lose Britney’s number? Now as soon as Britney is getting her tricks together again, Paris is back on Britters side.

She has come out today tipping Britney to win an MTV Video Music Award. Britney has been nominated for two awards- Best Female Artist and Best Pop Video for her track “Piece of Me”. Hilton says: “I love Britney. I think she looks so beautiful right now….She’s the best.” Paris officially would do anything to get her name in the papers. Hopefully Britney will tell Paris to stick her “friendly support” where the sun don’t shine!

I’m accepting nominations for the Golden Thong award….suggestions via comments please!

In a week where Ellen and Portia got hitched there can be little or no competition for the weekly Golden Thong award. So lets get straight to this weeks Silver Mullet.

Lily Allen

It seems Lily Allen is famous only by association these days. She hangs out with Lindsay and the Ronsons, Amy Winehouse and Co. and generally has a royal time of it.

Apparently she’s finished a new album but is unsure “what’s going on with it” according to the latest entry in her blog. Something tells me her latest drunken exploits won’t encourage record bosses at EMI to get the album on the shelves.

On Monday night good ol’ Lily showed she was a classy chick by punching a passer-by who allegedy heckled her.

Lily "Rocky" Allen

The funny thing about this situation is that Lily stated a week ago in her blog that “I’m actually trying really hard to be out of the public eye , as I’m really proud of the work i’ve put into my album and I want people to appreciate the music , yes I enjoy attention and praise , thats why i went into this job .”

Objective- stay out of the public eye.

Action taken- punch passer-by in front of paperazi.

Result- One bloody eejitt dropped from her record label.