Mustard on the Hedge

If there’s one woman’s crotch which I feel I know better than my own it is Madonna’s. Last year her aptly named ‘Sticky and Sweet Tour’ furnished us with countless images of her strutting around in leotards. Yes she’s 50 and still thin and toned and has the confidence to show off her body but my question is- does anyone want to see so much of her body anymore?

Louis Vuitton think people do. In an economic climate where advertising needs to be targeted and appeal to their audience like never before, Louis V’s have spent a rumoured $10 million on Madge for a one day photoshoot for their Spring 2009 advertising campaign. One would imagine that there would be no end to the choice of outfits one could wear at a Louis Vuitton photoshoot but our Madge decides to show that, at 50, her body is as flexible as ever and deliver us a crotch shot of her in some LV undies. Nice.

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I just realised that this week there is nobody that merits receiving a pat on the virtual back via a Golden Thong award…this could be due to my current slightly grumpy mood! So this week there are two Silver Mullet Awards.

1. Madonna

I wish someone would take her aside and explain to her that this…

…is not sexy! The 50 year old kicked off her “Sticky and Sweet” tour in Cardiff last Saturday. At her age I think she should be reaching for her pension as opposed to spandex. I’m not surprised she’s sticky at her age!!!

2. Paris Hilton

Anyone who knows me knows that I reside firmly in the pro-Britney camp. I even thought she was hot when you could see the veins popping on her bald head! If you remember around that time the pair were thick as thieves, partying in Vegas, shopping and all sorts.

Then Britney did her G.I Jane impression and had a meltdown…where did Paris go??? Did she lose Britney’s number? Now as soon as Britney is getting her tricks together again, Paris is back on Britters side.

She has come out today tipping Britney to win an MTV Video Music Award. Britney has been nominated for two awards- Best Female Artist and Best Pop Video for her track “Piece of Me”. Hilton says: “I love Britney. I think she looks so beautiful right now….She’s the best.” Paris officially would do anything to get her name in the papers. Hopefully Britney will tell Paris to stick her “friendly support” where the sun don’t shine!

I’m accepting nominations for the Golden Thong award….suggestions via comments please!